im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
