he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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