your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
