singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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