Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
