so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
