God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
