Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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