He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
