We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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