I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
