I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
