I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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