so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Randomize
