If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
