I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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