She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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