he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
