she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
