At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
