The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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