everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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