How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
