if you like me you must not know who I am
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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