Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
