She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
