Banned from zoo.
Again?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
