Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
