She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
