wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
