dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
