everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
