Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
