she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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