are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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