I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize