How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
