I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
