She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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