I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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