3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
