How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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