She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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