That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
