Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
