Soap is not a condiment
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
