well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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