I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
