be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
