I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
