I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
