so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
