used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
