i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize