So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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