I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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