if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize