so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
