How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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