You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sorry about my life...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
