so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
