Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
