Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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