Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
