I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
50% drunk capacity currently
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
