Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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