Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
