i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
