The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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