I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
