I must be too annoying 4 u.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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