I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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