see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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