everyone is single if you try hard enough
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
