I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
