Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize