Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
